Last week, a video from Instagram user @quincieandzach lit up our feeds—and not just for its sweet family moments or romantic vibes. With over 20 million views and counting, it’s a powerful reminder of what so many of us are looking for in a partner.
“You need a man who wants to be a husband and a father—not have a wife and kids.”
In her post, Quincie goes on to say, “The best thing I ever did was marry him because I NEVER questioned how incredible of a husband he would be to me, and father to our babies!! He truly puts us first always & makes us his priority no matter what. I can’t wait for all our kids to grow up seeing how he treats me, and how he treats them! 🥹🥹🩷 We are all so lucky!!!”
It’s not just her words that hit home—it’s the message behind them. Quincie’s sentiment reflects a generational shift in how we think about relationships and parenting.
Husband and father: Two roles, one purpose
The difference between wanting to be a husband and father versus having a wife and kids may sound subtle, but it’s deeply transformative. It’s the difference between showing up and coasting, between choosing your family every day and simply expecting them to exist in your orbit.
I saw this distinction early on with my own husband. It wasn’t just about how he treated me—though that mattered. It was about how he moved through the world. He showed respect to people in service roles, was kind to strangers, and genuinely loved being around kids.I remember watching him play with his nieces and thinking, This is who I want to raise children with.
Years later, that instinct has been confirmed in every way. He shows up—not just in the big moments, but in the small, everyday acts of care and love that form the backbone of our family.
Related: To my husband: Watching you be a father makes me fall in love with you all over again
A generational shift on moms & dads
For our generation, marriage and parenting are no longer about fitting into predefined roles. We’re not looking for a breadwinner paired with a homemaker—we’re seeking partnership. Real, equal, hands-in-the-mess partnership.
That partnership means a shared mental load. Decisions about school drop-offs, doctor appointments, and bedtime routines are no longer one person’s responsibility. It’s about showing our kids what mutual respect looks like—how parents can support each other, share the work, and prioritize connection.
It’s a shift, but it’s also a return to something fundamental: the idea that love is not just a feeling but a series of actions.
Related: It’s not ‘daddy duty’—it’s fatherhood
When men show up, it matters
What resonated most about Quincie’s post was the idea that being a husband and father isn’t just about titles; it’s about living your values. It’s about seeing these roles as opportunities to build something meaningful—not just for your partner or your kids, but for yourself.
When a partner embraces that, the impact is profound. It changes how kids see the world. They grow up watching what love, respect, and partnership look like. They see fathers who listen and mothers who aren’t carrying the whole burden alone. They see teamwork—and they learn it’s possible.
And when they grow up, they’ll know to look for the same.
The video from @quincieandzach struck a nerve because it reflects what so many of us want in our relationships: a partner who shows up. A partner who doesn’t just have a family but lives for them.
For those of us lucky enough to have that, it’s a reminder to be grateful. For those still searching, it’s proof that these kinds of partnerships aren’t a fantasy—they’re real, and they’re worth waiting for. Because when you choose someone who wants to be—not just have—it changes everything.
