Julie Fohrman knew this day would come. She’d done the college visit tours, coordinated care packages, and mastered the art of FaceTiming from two different dorm rooms. But nothing—and I mean nothing—could have prepared her for the moment she realized her twins, Emma and Noah, would graduate from colleges 1,000 miles apart on the exact same day.
The viral TikTok that captured her subsequent breakdown has been viewed millions of times. There’s Julie, ugly-crying (in the most relatable way possible) during a FaceTime call with her daughter Emma who’s about to receive her diploma from the University of Wisconsin. Meanwhile, ex-husband David is all smiles in person behind her–even though Noah was thousands of miles away walking across the stage at the University of Texas.
@eosam428 My mom has not stopped bawling 👍 #graduation #collegegrad ♬ Sorry For Party Rocking – LMFAO
“There I was, bawling, and he was laughing, and it actually was pretty funny,” Fohrman, 54, later told TODAY.com. “But it was also awful not to be there. I think a lot of moms will understand.”
Boy, do we understand. And not just because we’re criers. (Though, same.)
Related: Hoda & Jenna get real about the mom guilt we all feel when we miss our kids’ events
The universal parenting paradox
Whether you’re raising twins, juggling co-parenting schedules, or managing a blended family across multiple time zones, the crushing reality of not being able to physically split yourself in half hits different for moms. And before anyone @ me about gender stereotypes, let’s have a real conversation about who typically carries the emotional labor of milestone planning, memory-making, and yes, the guilt that comes with missing any of it.
Look, this dilemma goes way beyond multiple births. Military families? They face it when deployment schedules laugh in the face of dance recitals. Divorced parents negotiate who gets Christmas morning versus Christmas Eve like they’re brokering international peace treaties. Step-parents wonder if they should show up to the soccer championship when bio-mom will be there too. And sometimes, even for families who all live under the same roof, work obligations, health crises, or simple geography force these Sophie’s Choice moments.
When cartoons get it right
Know who nailed this whole impossible-choice thing? Bob’s Burgers. (Stay with me here.)
In the season 11 episode “The Plight Before Christmas,” the Belchers face their own scheduling nightmare when Gene’s holiday concert, Tina’s Thundergirls play, and Louise’s poetry reading all fall on the same night. Linda Belcher—arguably one of television’s greatest moms, animated or not—initially tries to divide and conquer with Bob. But here’s where it gets good: Tina ends up sacrificing her starring role to support Louise, whose “joke” poetry reading turns out to be a heartfelt ode to Christmas morning with her family.
The episode is basically a masterclass in how families actually navigate these moments—not through perfect solutions, but through messy, imperfect love and occasional sacrifice. Plus, Linda’s wine consumption. (Relatable content.)
The mom guilt is real (and science can prove it)
Here’s the thing about mom guilt: It’s not just in your head. Well, it is, but it’s also backed by actual research. According to Brené Brown (patron saint of vulnerability), guilt and shame are best friends who love to party together in your brain. Mom guilt starts with “I’m not spending enough time with my kid” and quickly escalates to “I’m basically the worst mother in the history of mothers.”
Fun fact: A study looked at moms in Sweden, Germany, and Italy—countries with actual maternity leave and parent-friendly policies—and guess what? They still felt guilty. So basically, mom guilt is universal. It’s like the Marvel Cinematic Universe, but sadder.
Clinical psychologist Dr. Lucia Ciciolla, who researches invisible labor (the fancy term for all the crap moms do that nobody notices), says this type of work typically goes unacknowledged. Shocking, I know.
And get this: Researchers at the University of Melbourne define the mental load as cognitive labor (planning and organizing) plus emotional labor (worrying and stressing). So when you’re lying awake at 3 a.m. wondering if you ordered the right graduation swag from that Etsy shop, that’s your mental load talking. Unlike doing the dishes, which eventually ends, the mental load is like that friend who never knows when to leave the party—it’s boundaryless and operates 24/7.
Psychotherapist Niro Feliciano breaks it down: “Simply put, mom guilt is what you feel when you criticize yourself because you didn’t live up to an expectation that you set for yourself as a parent.” One mom told her, “I feel guilty that I couldn’t manage my career and a family and I see so many others that do.”
Related: ‘This is equal custody’: Viral video captures heartbreaking co-parenting moment
5 Ways to support yourself when you can’t clone yourself (yet)
When the impossible choice shows up—and it will, probably next Tuesday—here’s how to handle it without completely losing your marbles:
1. Feel your feelings (yes, even the ugly ones)
Child psychologist Dr. Michelle Young says, “Reaching out to a good friend or sharing your feelings of guilt with a partner or trusted individual can help remind you that you’re not alone.” Translation: Find someone who won’t judge you for crying into your wine about missing Jimmy’s recorder concert. We all need that friend.
2. Get creative with new traditions
Military families are basically the Navy SEALs of handling absence (pun intended). Steal their moves: Create “milestone boxes” where the absent parent leaves letters, gifts, or video messages. Technology is your bestie here—livestream that graduation like you’re a TikTok influencer. Set up multiple camera angles. Make it a production. Your kid might roll their eyes, but they’ll secretly love it.
3. Actually practice self-compassion (I know, I know)
Psychologist Renée Goff suggests replacing guilt with “self-compassion and gentleness.” But what does that actually look like when you’re not a yoga instructor with perfect skin? Instead of spiraling into “I’m a garbage human,” try “I’m doing my best in an impossible situation.” The difference matters, even if it feels like lying to yourself at first.
4. Chuck “fair” out the window
Fair doesn’t mean equal. Sometimes one kid needs you more. Sometimes geography makes the choice for you. Sometimes it’s just lousy timing. As psychologist Timothy Legg notes, “Prioritizing yourself can make you a better parent.” Wild concept: Your kids benefit from seeing you as an actual human with limitations.
5. Build that village (and actually use it)
Whether it’s grandma, your best friend, or that professional photographer you found on Instagram, delegating doesn’t make you less of a mom. It makes you a smart one. Plus, it gives other people in your kids’ lives a chance to step up and be the hero. Let them.
Why moms always get stuck with the mental load
Here’s where I get ranty. Even in 2025 (2025! We have self-driving cars!), mothers still do most of the invisible work. And I’m not talking about matching socks (though that too).
The mental load is like having 47 browser tabs open in your brain at all times.Based on the University of Melbourne research about how mothers carry the cognitive and emotional labor in families, here’s what it might look like: While dads might remember to show up to graduation, moms are often the ones who remember to:
- Order the special graduation lei that matches the school colors
- Coordinate the restaurant reservation that accommodates cousin Jenny’s new vegan phase
- Buy cards from all the relatives who can’t make it
- Book the hotel room with the view
- Feel guilty about literally everything
The mental load operates invisibly because it is internal labor. How convenient.
The real bottom line
Julie Fohrman’s viral tears weren’t just about missing Emma’s graduation. They were about the impossible standards we set for ourselves, the lie that good moms never miss anything, and the very real grief that comes with accepting we’re not actually superheroes.
Here’s the truth bomb: Being in two places at once isn’t just physically impossible—trying to achieve it is emotionally exhausting. Maybe it’s time we stopped treating maternal omnipresence as the gold standard and started celebrating the moms who show their kids that love means making hard choices, that fair isn’t always equal, and that even moms are beautifully, messily human.
As Fohrman reflected after going viral: “I think a lot of moms will understand. So many of us are deeply involved in our kids’ education and the day-to-day. And it was heartbreaking to miss it.”
She’s right. We do understand. And maybe that’s exactly what our kids need to see—that love isn’t measured by perfect attendance records. It’s measured by the ugly tears we cry when we can’t be there, the villages we frantically assemble to fill our shoes, and the grace we (eventually) learn to give ourselves.
Because if we’re really preparing our kids for the real world, shouldn’t we teach them that sometimes the people who love you most can’t always be there? That disappointment is survivable? That their mom is a whole person with limitations and competing responsibilities?
In fact, that might be the most important graduation present of all. Way better than another check they’ll blow on overpriced textbooks.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go cry about this article while simultaneously coordinating three different soccer practices and wondering if I remembered to pack lunch. You know, just mom things.