When a mom named Niya, @coachingmommies, hit “record” on her TikTok, she wasn’t trying to start a debate—she was putting words to something so many mothers have felt but rarely say out loud. Her now-viral video opens with a pointed truth bomb: “This stupid a** debate about is being a stay-at-home mom hard? Let me tell you why it’s hard in America.”
In less than a minute, she lays bare a reality many U.S. moms live daily: the crushing lack of support for women and children, especially in the early years of parenting. Drawing from her own upbringing in Sweden—a country known for its generous parental leave and child-first policies—she contrasts the expectation of community and care abroad with the isolation and pressure many American mothers face.
Her video quickly resonated with thousands, not because it was shocking, but because it was real.
The real reason it’s hard to be a stay-at-home mom in the U.S.
In her video, @coachingmommies isn’t just pushing back on the idea that being a stay-at-home mom might not be that hard—she’s pointing out that the entire debate misses the point. “Let me tell you why it’s hard in America,” she says. “I grew up in Sweden, where you can’t even enroll your child into daycare until they’re 12 months. You gotta stay home with your baby.”
This isn’t about whether staying home with a child is hard in general. It’s about how the U.S. makes it harder than it needs to be. While some countries build systems around supporting early parenthood, American moms are left to navigate it all—childcare, recovery, work pressure—largely on their own. The U.S. remains one of the only developed nations without guaranteed paid parental leave, and even unpaid leave is often inaccessible due to eligibility gaps or financial strain.
So when moms say they’re tired or struggling, it’s not just about the day-to-day of raising kids. It’s about doing it without a safety net. And instead of acknowledging that reality, we’ve somehow made the struggle a competition.
Related: Sweden now pays grandparents to take parental leave. America, it’s time to catch up.
What support could look like: The Swedish model
In Sweden, parents aren’t left to figure it all out alone. As Niya explains in the video, families there get up to 480 days or around 16 months of paid leave, with the flexibility to split it between both parents however they choose. During that time, they receive around 80% of their salary for the first 390 days of their paid leave, allowing them to focus on bonding with their baby without the constant stress of lost income. And daycare? It’s not even an option until the child is 12 months old—because the expectation is that parents will be with their baby during that first, foundational year.
This approach reflects something simple but powerful: a societal belief that caregiving matters.
By contrast, the U.S. offers no federally mandated paid parental leave. While the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) provides up to 12 weeks of unpaid leave for eligible workers, many families can’t afford to take it—or don’t qualify at all. For those who do return to work, the hunt for affordable, quality childcare is a stress-filled race with few winners.
It’s not about envy. It’s about imagining what’s possible—and asking why American families are still left behind.
Related: Sweden now pays grandparents to take parental leave. America, it’s time to catch up.
What people are saying: This message struck a nerve
The comments section on @coachingmommies’ video reads like a collective sigh of exhaustion—and recognition. Moms from across the U.S. chimed in to say: “Yes. This. Exactly.”
Some shared personal stories that mirrored her own frustration:
- Kat 🐾: “I moved to Sweden because of this! Currently on maternity leave since last week it is truly so stress free compared to my first baby”
- Ash & Isla🐝: “We had to pay $80 to get a doctor to sign unpaid fmla papers after I had a C-section so my husband wouldn’t lose his job while helping care for our disabled toddler I couldn’t lift and our newborn.”
- Vee🤧: “My sister is 8 months pregnant still working and plan on taking UNPAID maternity leave to go back to work smh FLMA isn’t even paying her !!”
Others pointed to the broader inequity:
- Ayojalapeno: “The fact that daycares here go as low as 6 weeks- SIX WEEKS is crazy!! I used to see the TINIEST babies at the daycares 🥺”
- Samantha Page: “Also America is very closed off to the idea of a “village”. We celebrate “doing it all by yourself” we were never supposed to do it all on our own.”
- Niya 🌸Motherhood Coach🌸: “Most 2 parent households with 1 stay at home parent..are making sacrifices. We’re not all going to brunch and Pilates every day 😭”
- Taylor Nicholson: “Scandinavian countries have it so right. My family lives in Norway and I’m here in America like 😭”
Behind @coachingmommies’ frustration is a deeper question: What does our culture really value?
In countries like Sweden, generous parental leave policies aren’t just perks—they reflect a societal commitment to the well-being of families. There’s a collective understanding that the first year of a baby’s life is foundational. During this period, the brain undergoes rapid development, and consistent, loving care helps shape a child’s sense of safety and trust in the world.
Having a parent present during this stage isn’t just beneficial—it’s transformative.
Research supports this perspective. A study published in Emotion, states that secure attachment in infancy has been linked to better emotional regulation, cognitive development, and long-term mental health. The presence of a parent can mitigate stress responses in children, fostering resilience and emotional stability. Moreover, the first year is a critical period for brain development, where the environment and caregiver interactions significantly influence neural connections.
In contrast, the U.S. offers no federally mandated paid parental leave, leaving many parents to return to work just weeks after birth. This lack of support undermines the opportunity for parents to provide the consistent, nurturing care that is so crucial during a child’s early development.
If we truly value children and families, our policies and societal structures must reflect that commitment. Supporting parents during the pivotal first year of their child’s life isn’t just beneficial—it’s essential.
Related: Alabama’s paid parental leave law is a monumental step—now let’s make it for everyone
We weren’t meant to do this alone
@coachingmommies ends her video with a simple but powerful statement: “We weren’t meant to do this alone.”
It’s a reminder that the weight of parenting, particularly in the early years, should not fall solely on mothers. It’s not about a lack of effort or determination on the part of moms—it’s about a system that doesn’t prioritize the well-being of families. In countries like Sweden, there’s an understanding that parents, especially mothers, need time and support to recover and bond with their child without the looming fear of financial instability.
But the reality is, until the system changes, moms will continue to bear this burden alone. The good news? The more we talk about it, the more we can demand change. Whether through advocating for better parental leave policies, pushing for accessible childcare, or simply supporting each other in the trenches of motherhood, we can start to shift the narrative.
Motherhood isn’t meant to be a solo journey. Let’s make sure moms everywhere have the support they deserve.
Sources:
- Lack of paid parental leave in America. Pew Research. 2019. “Among 41 countries, only U.S. lacks paid parental leave”
- Presence of parents in early childhood. Developmental Cognitive Neuroscience. 2021. “The role of early attachment and parental presence in adolescent behavioral and neurobiological regulation”
- Attachment in early life. Emotion. 2023. “Secure Attachment in Infancy Predicts Context-Dependent Emotion Expression in Middle Childhood”
- Brain development in the first years of life. Harvard University. “Brain Architecture: An ongoing process that begins before birth”