If you asked me how my marriage has changed since having kids, I’d say we have learned how to communicate with each other more effectively. But if you asked me on a deeper level, I’d say… most of the time we spend together is centered around taking care of our three kids under 7. You’d think we have plenty of time to talk but we really don’t.
Prioritizing non-kid time
We have to prioritize non-kid time for each other, and that’s hard because we are both exhausted by the time the kids go to bed. Both of us work full time plus the three kids, and that means we are constantly exhausted and overstimulated.
And if you’re under continuous stress like that, you aren’t your best self. But here’s the thing—we give each other the grace to not be our best all the time.
When something goes wrong, we consider the context, the stress, the situation, and don’t make judgments about the other person’s character.
Related: ‘My marriage doesn’t come before my kids’: The viral post sparking a family-priority debate
Communicating through the chaos
We don’t take each other’s happiness for granted.
When something goes wrong, we talk about it. At length. And soon.
We don’t always agree but we always communicate. If something feels ‘off,’ we talk about it openly.
Marriage as a journey
Marriage is not a destination, it’s only the beginning of a journey.
Because we are not our best selves when we are under so much pressure from all the things. We both have paid work full-time, plus all the things associated with running a household, plus two kids in elementary school, plus one kid in daycare. We are exhausted and overstimulated ALL THE TIME.
I don’t think it’s possible to overstate how much stress we carry every day. So we have to work together. To communicate. To lift each other up. And we can’t take each other’s happiness for granted, we have to work for it every day.
[This post was originally published by @8thdayformomonly on Instagram and has been republished with permission from the author.]
