Paige Turner, an anti-mental load advocate and Motherly video contributor, recently went viral on TikTok with a plea to moms everywhere: “Stop comparing the cost of childcare directly to your salary.” Her powerful message challenges a mindset that places the financial and emotional burden of childcare squarely on women, reinforcing inequities at both the family and societal level.
As a working mom of five, I’ve thought about these same issues. TBH, I think about the cost of childcare on the daily. But Paige’s perspective is a game-changer because it’s not just about math—it’s about reframing how we see childcare and the way we value women’s contributions at work and at home.
Childcare isn’t just your responsibility
Too often, Paige explains, moms calculate whether they can “afford” childcare by comparing the cost directly to their salary. For example, a mom making $60,000 might balk at spending $40,000 a year on daycare for her two kids and decide it doesn’t make sense to keep working. But as Paige points out, “When we frame it as, ‘my salary does not cover the cost of childcare,’ we assume that childcare is the responsibility of the mom and the mom alone.”
This assumption is deeply ingrained in our culture. Paige highlights how we approach childcare differently from other household expenses: “When we’re being considered for a mortgage with a lender, they’re not just saying, ‘Dad, you have to cover this cost by yourself.’ No, we’re looking at the combined incomes.” Why, then, should childcare be any different?
@sheisapaigeturner The cost of childcare is not solely the responsibility of the mother. It should be viewed as a shared family expense in the same way with things like our mortgage #childcare #daycare #workingmom #wfhmom #millennialmoms #sahmlife ♬ original sound – Paige
By reframing childcare as a shared expense—just like housing, groceries, or any other essential cost—families can make decisions that don’t disproportionately burden moms.
The long-term impact of leaving the workforce
Paige also warns against the dangers of short-term thinking: “The cost of being out of the workforce, even for a short period of time, is very great.” For women who plan to step back for just a few years during the expensive childcare phase, reentering the workforce often comes with a lower salary, fewer benefits, and lost retirement savings. “Your career has stagnated quite a bit, and it’s very difficult to catch up financially on your retirement, on your benefits, just in your career in general.”
This reality underscores the need to think about childcare not as a temporary expense but as an investment in your career and your family’s future.
Related: Childcare costs are impacting every aspect of moms’ lives
A bigger societal problem
While Paige’s video addresses the financial burden within families, it also exposes a broader systemic issue: America’s lack of affordable childcare and a supportive culture of care. Compared to other developed nations, the U.S. is uniquely failing its families.
Childcare in America is among the most expensive in the world, and there’s little public support to offset the cost. Many other countries subsidize childcare as a public good, recognizing the long-term benefits for families and the economy. In the U.S., however, families are left to navigate these challenges alone, often without the help of extended family, friends, or neighbors that used to make up a “village” of support.
This lack of support leads to guilt, stress, and hard choices for moms—choices that should never have to rest on one person’s shoulders. After all, we are giving birth to and raising the literal future.
Related: Childcare costs more than college in some states—and that needs to change
Stop the blame, start the reframe
Paige’s message is clear: “Childcare is a shared expense in the same way that the children are both of your children.” If you’re a mom trying to decide whether to work or stay home, don’t fall into the trap of thinking your salary alone should cover the cost of childcare. Look at it as a shared family cost, and consider the long-term financial benefits of staying in the workforce—not just for your career but for your retirement and overall financial independence.
It’s also time to demand better from society. Moms shouldn’t have to shoulder these decisions alone, and they certainly shouldn’t feel guilt for wanting to balance their careers with their families. We need policies that make childcare affordable and a culture that values the work of raising the next generation.
So, let’s stop blaming ourselves for high childcare costs. Instead, let’s reframe the conversation—within our families and within ourselves.
