As a mother of four children, I feel the familiar anxiety at the end of the summer even though my children are now grown. With 10 years separating my oldest and youngest, even the memory of the complicated back-to-school dance is daunting: How many trips to Target will we have to make to get all of the supplies for four kids? How do I move my oldest into her first-year college dorm and settle my 8-year-old twins into 2nd grade? How am I going to get this all done (and keep up with work demands)?
Year-round—and especially during transition points and holidays—the demands on parents impact their mental health and wellbeing. In August, the Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy, released a report highlighting the rising levels of stress among parents and caregivers and the impact of this stress on their mental health and the mental health of their children.
It is timely that the report was released in August. During the back-to-school season, parents are so focused on preparing their children for the upcoming school year that they ignore their own needs. As a mom and a child psychiatrist, I want to support you by explaining why it is so important to prioritize your own mental health and sharing strategies to take care of yourself while you take care of your children.
Parent mental health is child mental health
Since the pandemic, we have been learning about multiple mental health crises: among kids and teens, a loneliness epidemic, and now the parental stress crisis.
We often talk about these crises as though they are isolated problems. They aren’t. They are very much interconnected.
We cannot solve one crisis without addressing the mental health needs of the whole family. This is why I left my leadership role in academic medicine to start Little Otter, a virtual mental health company for children and their families. At Little Otter, we take a whole-family approach to mental health care. We know that children’s mental health is intertwined with their parent’s mental health. We also know that the mental health of children and parents depends on the health of relationships in the family: the parent-child relationship, the parent-partner relationship, and the co-parenting relationship.
We understand that you need to take care of everyone in the family to foster overall family well-being.
The relationship between parent and child mental health goes both ways. At Little Otter, when children get treatment for their mental health challenges, their parents’ mental health improves by 69%, even without providing direct treatment to the parent. But we also know that untreated parental mental health disorders like depression and anxiety adversely impact a child’s development and mental health. For example, infants of mothers with untreated postpartum depression have developmental, emotional, behavioral and cognitive delays in the first year of life and are significantly more likely to have emotional and behavioral challenges as preschoolers. If we treat mothers, we directly support their babies’ healthy development and mental health.
How parents can model self-care and healthy coping strategies
Parents can support their children’s mental health by modeling self-care and healthy coping strategies. When parents take steps to manage their stress, anxiety, or depression, they become more emotionally available, consistent, and responsive to their child’s needs.
Parental emotional regulation helps create a nurturing environment, where children feel safe, supported, and understood. As a result, children learn healthy coping skills, emotional resilience, and are less likely to experience mental health issues themselves. Prioritizing self-care allows parents to model positive behaviors, demonstrating to their children that managing mental health is an important part of overall well-being.
Tips for managing stress and supporting your mental health during the back-to-school season
1. Prioritize sleep and rest
The back-to-school season often comes with early mornings, late nights and packed schedules, which can quickly lead to burnout. Sleep is essential for managing stress, improving mood and maintaining overall health. Set a bedtime routine for yourself, just as you do for your children. Even short naps or moments of quiet relaxation can make a significant difference in your energy levels and mental clarity.
2. Set realistic expectations—and let go of perfection
It’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the pressure to make everything perfect for your children. Remind yourself that it’s OK if things don’t go exactly as planned—what matters most is being present and supportive. Delegate tasks when possible, and don’t hesitate to ask for help from your partner, friends or other parents. Focus on what’s essential and let go of the pressure to do it all.
3. Carve out ‘me time,’ even in small doses
Finding time for yourself can feel impossible, especially during busy seasons. But small moments of self-care—like a quiet cup of coffee, a quick walk, or even 5 minutes of deep breathing—can reset your stress levels and help you feel more grounded.
4. Stay connected to your support network
During stressful times, it’s crucial to lean on your support network. Whether it’s calling a friend, joining a parenting group, or connecting with other parents at school events, these connections remind you that you’re not alone. Sharing your challenges, even briefly, can lift some of the emotional weight off your shoulders.
5. Seek outside help
Please remember that seeking mental health care is a sign of strength, not weakness—it shows that you value your mental health and the well-being of your entire family. We have highly effective treatments for anxiety, depression, PTSD, and many other mental health disorders. Good mental health care can make a world of difference for you, for your children, and for your family.
I started Little Otter with my daughter, Rebecca Egger, who now has her own daughter. Rebecca and I have both benefited from mental health care–when I was a young mom, when Rebecca was a child, and now when Rebecca is a new mom. We both know that managing your own mental health is one of the most important ways to support your children and your family. When you prioritize your well-being, you are better equipped to handle the ups and downs of parenting, especially during hectic seasons like back-to-school.
If you are worried about your own mental health or your family’s mental health, it is definitely valuable to talk to a trained mental health professional. Little Otter offers a free Child and Family Mental Health Check-up to get a snapshot of your child’s mental health, your mental health, and mental health of your family. The Check-up report provides actionable insights to support your child and your family’s mental health. Little Otter also offers mental health care for the whole family: child therapy and psychiatry, parent therapy and psychiatry, parent coaching, couples counseling, and family therapy.
This story is a part of The Motherly Collective contributor network where we showcase the stories, experiences and advice from brands, writers and experts who want to share their perspective with our community. We believe that there is no single story of motherhood, and that every mother’s journey is unique. By amplifying each mother’s experience and offering expert-driven content, we can support, inform and inspire each other on this incredible journey. If you’re interested in contributing to The Motherly Collective please click here.
